this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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