In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
