just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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