hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
be right there i have to get my cape
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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