im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
