final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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