she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
