I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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