You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize