sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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