HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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