i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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