i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
