Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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