I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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