Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
