Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
