Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
