need another drink. this is the easiest way
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
