Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
