Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
