so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
