and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's shark week go big or go home
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
