Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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