my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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