i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
where are my pants?
in the oven.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
