Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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