playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
