White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
