I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
