The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you would pick up someone in the library
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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