Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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