look no pants
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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