I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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