Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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