i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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