Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
