he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
