The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
