Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
