Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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