why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
