Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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