Operation Purity has been aborted
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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