I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
