you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
