hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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