Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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