Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
