i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
