Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
