Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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