somebody snuck up and got me drunk
that's an acceptable place to lick
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
