i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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