reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
