I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
