Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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