i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
