Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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