hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
