they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
