You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
