Please, let me fuck your mom
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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