My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
