so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
