if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
