A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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