Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
