oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
