I'll bet she douches with gravy.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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