He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
